So it’s January 2, the expected time for talking about new beginnings. The first two that come to mind for me are knitting related:
1. I will not add to my yarn stash until I have used most of it up.
2. I will spend less time reading knitting lists and blogs.
I think I spend too much money, time, and writing energy on my craft. That isn’t a bad thing. Knitting brings me lots of pleasure, helps me unwind from a job that is sometimes emotionally stressful, gives me a way of planning manuscripts and working through writing decisions, etc., and certainly, I owe knitting a great deal in that it’s taught me to work through some of my old fears and neuroses where writing is concerned, but I think I’m falling into the habit of using it to avoid. This morning, for example, I spent four hours reading and responding to email, most of it knitting related.
I do plan to continue with this blog. Though I haven’t been writing as much as I had hoped, I am writing most weeks, and I am thinking about how and what to write, something I hadn’t really done.
My goal, when I began this blog, was to have a manuscript completed by this week, and I don’t. I do feel the pressure of not having a book-length manuscript in the mail. I have several that are close, but close does not a publishing contract make, and close won’t get me a teaching position that will carry me through retirement. I’m also feeling annoyed with myself for not taking advantage of the writing opportunity I have now. I’ve got a flexible schedule, the luxury that someone else worries about most of the cooking and cleaning, and enough money to pay my bills for a few months , even though my employer is being a reeking anus about giving me my money in full and on time.
All of that said, I’m not going to sit here and regret that I haven’t written enough because doing so doesn’t help me write more and because, not having written with any kind of discipline for years, I had to start somewhere and I am very glad I started here. The next step is to increase the manuscript time and to decrease the time I spend on mailing lists. I won’t commit to a specific amount of time so as not to discourage myself when I don’t follow through. For now, this is specific enough for me.
